How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
