i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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