I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
