No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
