I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
