Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize