feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
