Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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