just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We left the knife in your bed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize