I have demons in me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
