In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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