I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
