Sry I called you an 8
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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