I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
