You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
