what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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