I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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