Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize