How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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