my phone needs a breathalizer
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize