do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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