its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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