At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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