Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
