I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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