Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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