It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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