This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize