But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
