Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
