Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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