i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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