I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
