There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
