My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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