I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
