Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize