never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
