Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize