There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
