Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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