my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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