woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
