between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
