I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
