The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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