i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize