I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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