hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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