just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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