I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
