This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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