I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
