I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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