in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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