dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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