So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When are your genitals available?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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