If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
