We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
