get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize
