Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
