The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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