i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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