Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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