Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
