It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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