I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Randomize
