he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
