I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
