u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
