My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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