Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
