I hope mine doesn't look like that
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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