CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
