put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
