i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
