Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize