it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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