who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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