I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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