I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
