we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
