Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize