I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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