did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
