direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
