omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
