a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
