Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize