Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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