I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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