I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
