I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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